Podcast #24 – Connie Jean Catalano on Aging, Family, and Planning for What’s Next
Mission Possible Podcast (00:12.834)
Good day Mission Podcast community. I’m your host and podcast navigator, Doug Dvorak, and I’m extremely excited to bring you inspiring stories from incredible guests. These individuals are on a mission to create remarkable possibilities that not only enhance their lives, but also make a lasting impact on the communities and individuals around them. Stay tuned for some amazing conversations.
My guest today is Connie Jean Catalano. Hi Connie, how are you today? good to see you as always. Happy Friday. Connie is known in active adult circles as the senior whisperer. Welcome to the Mission Possible podcast Connie and I’m really excited to have you as one of our guests and I know that our Mission Possible community and viewers are gonna get a lot about today’s topic. The topic is I had no idea.
Connie Jean Catalano (00:46.715)
I’m great. How are you, Doug? Good to see you.
Mission Possible Podcast (01:11.306)
Secrets of Aging Gracefully with the Senior Whisperer, Connie Jean Catalano. And she reveals what every family member should know. I had no idea program came out of Connie’s experience working with seniors or family members.
As a sales and marketing executive in senior communities. She watched the emotional impact this transition had on families. They argued, cried, sued each other because they all thought they knew what their parent or loved one wanted. It upset her especially since her family of six siblings was handling her mother’s situation so peacefully.
Connie developed a preemptive plan for families to be prepared or for those in the middle of the change to get organized. Some elements of this incredible program included a filing system for all the paperwork anyone should have for their families.
To easily access. Her most recent family called her the Senior Whisperer because they told her it would take two years to get their mother out of their house. After meeting with Connie, her client decided to move to an independent living community in three weeks. Why? Because Connie asked what she wanted and she listened. Life is an adventure. If you’re going on a trip, you take many items that you will use on your journey. Aging is like a safari. Be sure to have your gear in place for protection.
And you’ll have so much more fun. So Connie, let’s get started. Connie, you’re affectionately called the senior whisperer in active adult communities and families. What’s the story behind that nickname and how does it reflect your work?
Connie Jean Catalano (03:23.269)
Well, when I’ve…
First was introduced to the senior living industry and I was interviewing a lot of seniors. I found out that when I would tell them things that they needed to do in order to get in the community, they would say, I had no idea. And I would hear that every single day on the phone or in person. So I thought, boy, this is so sad that people don’t know that you have to do certain things in order to get in a community. saves you so much time because if you don’t know,
Mission Possible Podcast (03:39.47)
Ha
Connie Jean Catalano (03:54.401)
Sometimes the paperwork could delay a person getting into a retirement community by six weeks or more. So, yeah. So if you know all this and you have it and you let your doctor know, because they’re the ones that hang it up a lot of times because they’re so busy. But if you know what you need, you’re gonna be able to submit the paperwork a lot quicker.
Mission Possible Podcast (04:00.782)
Wow.
Connie Jean Catalano (04:17.867)
So that’s what motivated me. I really, like you said in the intro, really, couple of families made me so sad because they ended up suing each other. The brother lived out of state. He wanted, there was five siblings. One of the brothers lived in Las Vegas. The others lived in another area. And he wanted his mother to be taken care of by his sister.
Mission Possible Podcast (04:17.934)
Excellent.
Connie Jean Catalano (04:42.969)
And where most of those siblings were. And she just couldn’t do it. She worked, she had a family, and she had mom for a while, but then mom started progressing, needed more assistance. And so he was so angry with his sister and his siblings that he sued them.
Which delayed mom from ever getting into a community. And the only reason I know that he’s in because when I called the sister and I said, hey, how’s it going? When are we going to get, you know, glad us into the community so she could start having some fun? And the sister was in tears and said, my brother’s suing me. He wants me to keep my mom. I don’t know what to do. And I really couldn’t advise her legally either, you know? I basically had to wait until they solved that problem before they could get her in. And it took a long time, a long time.
That mom suffered because of it. So that made me think about, there’s gotta be a better way to let people know that you can be well prepared and the family can have a meeting, be agreeable, and put together a system. So I put together a whole system and I go out to coach the families.
Mission Possible Podcast (05:50.094)
Excellent. And you know, if you look at the different age cohorts in this family, Western Europe or around the world, most societies are aging. And I think in the U.S. every day, 10,000 plus people or more are retiring. And when you are in that position, like I have been with several of my family members, not my immediate family, but some…
Some other family members, similar scenario. They had no idea, they hadn’t planned adequately, and then they ended up suing and there wasn’t a ton of money, and the only person that won was the attorney, not the individual that really needed the help. And then the fallout, because when you are in those stressful situations, dysfunctional behaviors come out.
Connie Jean Catalano (06:23.771)
Yes!
Mission Possible Podcast (06:35.158)
However they do, but to have an expert like yourself to help with the I had no idea, to have a checklist and get those being proactive, it makes those times much more manageable and the stress is decreased. Now you’ve dedicated much of your career to helping seniors and their family. What was the turning point that led you down this path specifically?
Connie Jean Catalano (06:36.507)
You
Connie Jean Catalano (06:49.147)
Thank
Connie Jean Catalano (06:55.803)
Well, you know what, Doug? I’ve only really been in this senior industry for 10 years. I mean, that’s kind of for me, it’s kind of new because I’ve worked with corporates and business people, but I was invited into this industry not knowing anything about it 10 years ago. And it really fit well with the skills that I had. you know, one of the things that I really enjoy with the families is just getting to know them and what they’re they want. know, what do they want? Most of the time they just want, most of the time they want just mom or dad to be okay, you know. So, you know, I worked at a senior living industry in Tennessee and I had many people from that area in Nashville that were more wealthy because it was an independent living facility.
And there was a woman that I called. She was on the list and nobody talked to her for like a year. And so I gave her a call and said, how you doing? And she said she still wanted to move in the community. And I said, come on over. And we took a tour. And then she told me she had a husband. I said, well, where is he? And she said, he’s got his heels in the ground about moving. And I’m like, okay, all right. So what if I give him a call and just talk to him? She said, yeah, he’ll talk to you, but you’re not going to get him to move. I promise you, you won’t.
So I called him and I talked to him and then I said hey Can I just come over and visit for a little while? Let’s have some coffee I’ll even bring the pick the pastries if you want and let’s figure out you know Why your wife keeps coming here and she’s ready to move but you’re hesitating
He said, sure, come on over. He was a really nice guy. Most people in Tennessee are nice anyway, but he was really nice. So I went to this big, beautiful home. I mean, I think it was probably about 8,000 square feet and it was a ranch. So that’s a good setup if somebody wanted to stay home and have people come in, you know, and I could tell that he was starting to deteriorate. She knew that and I could see it.
Connie Jean Catalano (09:03.099)
And so I asked a lot of questions and asked about his life and what he did for a living and just got to know him, you know. The human relations part of it. And I find people quite interesting. In fact, I think all these seniors running around are like libraries. They have so many stories and experiences that pulls you away if you ask them a few questions. So we talked and talked and then finally I said.
What’s stopping you from moving into the community? He said, my books. He said, I have hundreds of books and you don’t have an apartment that they’ll fit in. And I said, man, I can relate to you because.
I got a lot of books too. And I’ve moved several times and every time the books are the most boxes and you know they’re kind of like my friend I told him I said and you feel that way about your books he said yeah they’re my friends I said if I can find you an apartment that will fit your books will you move in?
And he said, yeah, I will. I said, you promise? He said, I promise. So I did a pinky finger with him because he was a fun guy. And I ran back to my community and I said, I need an apartment that can fit a hundred books. And do you know, I really got kind of lucky. One of the largest apartments in the facility was coming up for buying.
Mission Possible Podcast (10:09.677)
Wow.
Connie Jean Catalano (10:30.755)
It was 2,700 square feet. had a library that would fit, if we fitted with bookcases, you know, with shelves, it would fit 100 books. So I ran back to him and I said, guess what?
We’re going to have to keep your promise because I found an apartment and I would like you to come and see it. And the people that had the apartment at the time were willing to let us in and he took a look at it and you know what? He said yes right on the spot.
Mission Possible Podcast (11:02.955)
Wow.
Connie Jean Catalano (11:03.291)
He said, I’ll move. And his wife was like crying. She was just static. So, you know, all I did was help by asking questions. So that’s for me, that was a turning point for me to know that there are people that just are sitting on one question. You know, she had to ask one question and they’ll be ready to change their life. They need to know somebody cares, you know, and they knew I cared. So, yeah.
Mission Possible Podcast (11:20.023)
Right.
Mission Possible Podcast (11:28.718)
Excellent. So Connie, the title of your program is I Had No Idea. What are some of the most common blind spots families have when it comes to aging loved ones?
Connie Jean Catalano (11:41.851)
They they are in denial they fear things they They don’t you know want to admit that things are going on You know, they’re they’re kind of demanding they avoid that they avoid where they are in life, you know You know when somebody says I just want to see my mom
And she’s healthy, but I don’t know. She’s living in that house all by herself, you know? And I just don’t think she’s doing real well. She’s isolated. She’s not out there with friends. She’s not doing anything. And they’re just having a conversation with a friend, you know? Sometimes I overhear those conversations. And so, you know, they’re worried about Mom, but then you know what they do after that? Nothing. They do nothing. Because they don’t know what to do.
And honestly, if they don’t know that somebody like me is available, then they’re just going to let mom have a medical event, and then they’ll know what to do. They think they’ll know what to do. But even then, you’re going to run into problems because there’s so many options that you have to take when you go into a skilled nursing or something. kids try to become their parents’ parents.
And they can never do that. I hope everybody hears me because you can’t be your parents’ parent. They have 20 years over you at least. So they’ve got a lot of experience, but you can understand them. You can work on understanding them.
And asking them questions and find out what they want. But you can’t tell them what to do. know, if your mom came over when you first got married, my mom used to do this. She’d come over and the first thing she would do is she’d run her finger on the refrigerator to see if I’d dust it, you know?
Connie Jean Catalano (13:37.849)
And I’m like, darn, I missed that spot, you know? And then she would tell me why it was important, you know? And she would just sit me down and I didn’t have any say in it or anything. But you know, that’s parenting. That’s parenting. Parenting is telling somebody they don’t, they never, they didn’t know or they need to correct or whatever. Our parents don’t need that. They really just need to find out what they want and get them taken care of, you know? Influence them.
Mission Possible Podcast (14:05.996)
Empathy, great questions, showing that you care. And you know, we’re social creatures, but I think as we get older, one of the great challenges for people that are transitioning from an active, vibrant, social work, family life is loneliness. And it’s important to be around people, have community, have great relationships, sense of purpose.
Connie Jean Catalano (14:27.109)
Mm-hmm.
Connie Jean Catalano (14:34.107)
Yeah.
Mission Possible Podcast (14:35.628)
Connie, what are a few of the signs that adult children should look out for that indicate their parents might need more support or a lifestyle change?
Connie Jean Catalano (14:44.891)
Okay, so for the program I had no idea. There doesn’t need to be any signs. Some of the things that I share, everyone should have in place. And I just diverted for one minute. I had some friends that were in their 40s. He fell down in a couple, went to go black ice, crushed his skull right on the driveway, 40 years old. She had nothing, nothing ready. didn’t, the will, no POA, no, no fight.
I mean, was a nightmare. So things that I talk about in the paperwork and everything, you don’t need to have a sign. But to answer your question, if a parent is going and talking like I just mentioned before about their mom,
There’s like three stages I see. One is, you know, there’s really not an emergency, but they can see that mom’s isolated. She’s not able to do all the things she used to do. You could see a little, you know, like we have a light we carry around, you know, you can see your light going out a little bit, you know, and you kind of worry, but you don’t know what to do. You just feel like you don’t have any control. Stage one, that’s, you know, just.
Just kind of look and see where they are. Health is the key. You know, that’s the number one to all the stages. What health are you in? What health are they in? You know, that’s important. And then, you know, can they manage where they live? You know, I went to a house once and they had not been upstairs for five years. If a parent sees that, and that’s common, I found out.
If a adult child sees that, that’s a red flag. Even though their mom or dad might look really healthy and they’re going out and doing things, but they can’t get up those stairs and they’re sleeping on the recliner, hey, address that. They’re not comfortable. So they’re just adjusting to what they don’t know what to do about. Stage two.
Mission Possible Podcast (16:49.464)
Mm-hmm.
Connie Jean Catalano (16:52.345)
I start to show some health issues.
You notice them slowing down. Doctors are saying maybe they need a little care or they’re on more medicine. The house is suddenly not clean. They’re not eating properly. They don’t have dementia or anything like that, but they’re just slowing down to a point where they’re not acting the way they always did. They’re not taking showers every day. They’re not grooming. Sometimes you go there, you have the same clothes on for three days and you say, why? they’ll say, nobody’s coming. But no, it’s important to change your clothes.
You know, and they start to forget or neglect maybe a bill or two. And again, not because they have dementia, but just because they’re just overwhelmed with this aging process because it can’t be overwhelming. And stage three, that’s when you really need help.
Mission Possible Podcast (17:35.266)
Mm-hmm.
Connie Jean Catalano (17:41.199)
Because they either have dementia and they’ve been diagnosed with it and there’s some stages that it could happen fast or it could stay really quiet for a while, but you really gotta watch that. They’re changing their clothes again, are they taking a shower, are they afraid to go out? Are they starting to use the oven for a dresser? I’ve seen that. And are they eating regularly?
Mission Possible Podcast (18:05.038)
Mmm.
Connie Jean Catalano (18:08.899)
So if stage three is when you really know you have to do something, you’ve got to figure out whether to bring in home care or bring them to live with you or start looking for a community.
Mission Possible Podcast (18:21.078)
I remember when my mom got sick and she was ill for over a decade and know phase one was we brought in everything you know what were some of those those blind spots she wasn’t
bathing every day or every other day. She wasn’t doing laundry. She was melancholy, not driving. And so we talked to her primary care physician and he said, I think she needs to transition in the next six months into a assisted living facility. And he recommended Dr. Gaston Carrasco, a great internist that my whole family saw for 20 years, suggested, how about we bring in a social worker into this situation?
The best piece of advice he gave. And this woman helped us navigate like you. I had no idea. We had no idea. And it really put a plan in place. Power of attorney, will, health care directives, every all those those critical
Connie Jean Catalano (19:12.003)
You.
Connie Jean Catalano (19:16.431)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Mission Possible Podcast (19:23.572)
Legal documents into one single spot and it albeit still a challenge, it made it easier. So, Connie, what are some of the biggest emotional challenges families face during the aging journey and how do you help them through it?
Connie Jean Catalano (19:24.517)
Yep.
Connie Jean Catalano (19:31.588)
Yeah.
Connie Jean Catalano (19:39.267)
You know that really depends on the relationship they have with their parent. That really does, so I have to say that. But I’ll give you a couple examples of people that I had to deal with. Most adult children are calm and they’re holding in their feelings, but they’re very easy to talk to. If they have an emotion, they’ll share it with you and then you can address it. So if they’re saying, I’m really worried, I’m really scared, you can explain to them what’s going to happen and then show them around, know.
Some other or tell stories of other opportunities that you know, you might have filled and and they’re fine But there are some adult children that depend on their parents all their lives they sometimes live with them all their lives and All of a sudden they are going to lose their main support system and I’m not talking about people that are handicapped I’m talking about just you know, they got divorced and they up moving back with parents or their you know, they’re, they just can’t keep a job, whatever, but they depend on their parents for a lot of support. They’re like best friends with their parents. I had a guy that, well, it was a whole family. There were seven children. One of them lived with his mom all his life and he took care of her too. And he was 54 years old when they really figured out she needed memory care.
And so he came in, he was highly emotional, very difficult to talk to. He was rude. He was very emotional in the sense that he didn’t trust us, that kind of thing. And so I had to ask him a lot of questions. And I asked him what some of his caregiving duties were. You know, like.
Are you able to take your mom to the bathroom? Is she okay in that area? Who’s giving her a shower? Are you cooking for her? Are you keeping the house clean? And you know, he got real emotional and said, I can’t do all that stuff. I gotta sit with her all the time. And he just really went off and I said, okay, then let’s consider if she’s here, you don’t have to do all that, but you can come and see her every single day.
Connie Jean Catalano (21:59.567)
And he said, every day? And I said, yeah, you could see her every day.
So he liked that idea. He still was not easily to come. I mean, it took me a while to convince him. The rest of the family was just on me about getting her in there. um, but you know, once I got her and he still was a problem, he still had a lot of demands and he still, you know, wanted us to do whatever he did, where he, he saw he did. Um, and you know, we were taking care of her in a very great way, but according to him emotionally, he, needed us to do more. So I was constantly talking to him, constantly sitting down with him and, and, and soothing his wounds, you know, every day for a while. It got to be for me, it was almost like I saw him coming and I’m like, Oh, I better get ready, you know, cause I’m going to have to help him.
Mission Possible Podcast (22:48.142)
Ha
Well, you bring up a good point. Not only is it stressful on the aging family member, but as a caregiver, the stress involved and then the relief that can occur to the children, additional family members, caregivers when they are in a safe, clean, respectable, either assisted living, or the stress relief when their parent or loved one.
Is in a great facility, either in assisted living or skilled nursing. For my mom, it was a transition out of her house into assisted living, and she was in assisted living for five years, and then she had to go to skilled nursing. And I know that assisted living was about $3,500 a month, and then skilled nursing was almost $9,000 a month. And…
Connie Jean Catalano (23:23.993)
And
Connie Jean Catalano (23:29.167)
Okay.
Connie Jean Catalano (23:42.811)
Mmm.
Mission Possible Podcast (23:44.332)
What I found is I was not alone. was an only child. I was the primary caregiver. Catholic charities, social workers, internet, YouTube, but there are people like yourself that have expertise, but more importantly, are not in it for the money. They’re in it to make a difference and help these families. Now, Connie, you’ve coached and trained leaders across industries throughout America and the world. How have those human relations skills translated into the delicate world of senior care?
Connie Jean Catalano (24:03.077)
Yeah.
Connie Jean Catalano (24:08.495)
Yeah. huh.
Connie Jean Catalano (24:15.067)
Well, you know, in a personal coaching situation, I think it’s even more important. The human relations skills part of it. I think you have to be on a deeper caring level. you know, I used to coach CEOs. You know, did Delta Airline and trained some of the high end people years ago.
I still found them to be people that you can talk to in a very personal way. You just have to ask the right questions of people. I think that was the thing that I learned as a Dale Carnegie instructor was that Dale Carnegie never talked a lot. He asked questions and then he listened.
And you can really help a person a lot by just being able to listen. So I watch for their facial expressions and things like that so that I make sure that I’m reaching the heart.
So the human relations skills, I don’t know, it’s a little bit more compassionate in the personal end, but in the business end, what I’ve been doing for years, 35 years, I still was able to reach the heart of a lot of, you know, businessmen. So it’s just doing that, you know, just caring about people so that you reach their heart.
Mission Possible Podcast (25:36.266)
Excellent. Connie, you’re known for creating peace among family members during difficult transitions. What’s your approach to managing differing opinions and emotional tensions within a family when this issue and they’re contacting you for some help?
Connie Jean Catalano (25:53.165)
Okay, I have a good story that just recently happened to answer that question. There’s always like three four or five kids in most of these families that I’m doing, that I’m coaching. And I had one, let’s do it. I had one guy that lived out of state and we zoomed him in. The rest of the family was there in person.
Mission Possible Podcast (26:06.286)
Excuse me.
Mission Possible Podcast (26:10.926)
Excuse me.
Connie Jean Catalano (26:20.995)
And when you know it, he was the one that was opposing everything.
Mission Possible Podcast (26:25.431)
Mmm.
Connie Jean Catalano (26:25.595)
And again, he was the one who said, look, there’s got to be another solution. I think that the daughter, the one daughter out of the, that was four kids, three sons and one daughter, I think you should take her in. She’s not that bad. She can function. She can go out. can drive. I think that you should be the one to take her in. I don’t think we should have to pay the money for a home. And when I hear that, I think, oh, they’re thinking inheritance, right?
So I asked him some questions. I said, if you were here and your sister was taking care of your mom, how often would you come to see her? And he said, well, I don’t know, but at least I know that she was being taken care of pretty good. And I said, okay, so your sister has a husband, two children, and a small house. How do you think that she’s going to be able to take care of your mom?
And they’re like, well, she can add a building on, you she can add a room onto her house. Okay, who’s going to pay for that? You know, I mean, I just really challenged him on where he was at, where he was thinking. I worked with him separately. That, that, that client ended up going to very expensive buy-in. But guess what? She had the money. Her husband left her.
Well off and she had the right to, and she’s so happy. I mean, she’s one of the happiest people at this place and it’s not about the money. It’s about the fact that she’s just really active and she likes it. She can’t drive anymore. So this is a perfect place the bus can take her. Can you imagine if she moved in with the daughter and she had to be driven places all the time? And you know what? He’s happy with the two cause he sees how happy she is. So I’m telling you almost all of my answers are about asking the right questions.
But knowing that you really care about the person you’re asking because you don’t want to just say, hey, you know, like my mom would do with the refrigerator. It’s not about that. It’s about finding out what that person’s afraid of.
Mission Possible Podcast (28:33.146)
I like what you said it’s about asking the right questions but I think it’s deeper than that it’s about your intention, honesty, integrity, purpose, empathizing with the family and the aging individual and really trying to be a problem solver but a great listener. That’s a great story Connie. know aging gracefully is more than just about health it’s mindset, dignity and purpose. What does
Connie Jean Catalano (28:51.877)
Mm-hmm.
Mission Possible Podcast (29:01.096)
Aging gracefully mean to you, Connie?
Connie Jean Catalano (29:03.867)
I’m aging gracefully, Doug. I mean, I am. When I met you, think I was, had, I don’t know, I was a lot different. I had different hair color, right? I know. So I’m up there. And I think that I am aging gracefully. But I can tell you that there’s a lot of challenges in aging gracefully. Like,
Mission Possible Podcast (29:07.372)
Yes you are.
Mission Possible Podcast (29:16.622)
I’ve known you for over 25 years.
Connie Jean Catalano (29:30.403)
Some of the things that happen and you really have to be careful the way you think. You know, can have family problems. Like I always had like a smooth family dynamics and then suddenly a divorce happened and the dynamics just went downhill. And so here I am in my aging process and all of a sudden I have to deal with like family things. So here’s what I do.
And I think everyone should do this. I’m not the only one that has this idea. One of my clients, I don’t know, this is a book. One of my clients wrote a book, Act of Aging. It was a couple that I placed at the place in Tennessee. What a great book.
But I think for number one, really need to, your health is so important. If you’ve been beating up your body all your life, you can still turn it around with exercise, eating right, and that kind of thing. You’re gonna suffer the consequences of some bad living. But being healthy is important. think that I walked, I walked this morning a couple miles. I tried to exercise, I’ll stretch. I have some back issues now I have to watch. So I just know that
I’m going to change. My body’s going to change. My looks are going to change. And you have to get to a place where you go, it’s okay. I don’t have to go get Botox and things like that. I’m okay. And then I also think that socializing, if you stay social, that fills your endorphins, I believe. I think that keeps you really happy in your brain. And then also getting involved with things. If you can get involved now is the time. If you’re retired,
man, Netflix can be your best friend, but that’s not what you want. You want to be out there helping somebody that you are specialized in, something that you care about. Go to the food pantry. There’s plenty of them today and they always need people to help. And just staying engaged. think learning new things all the time. A lot of seniors go to the senior centers and they learn computer. They learn about insurance. They learn about organizing. They learn things.
Connie Jean Catalano (31:42.729)
So I think that that helps a lot to age gracefully. If you have a medical event, I would say keep your positive attitude because we all die one day. But let’s do it in a way that we have a smile on our face because it’s inevitable. Why be crabby?
Mission Possible Podcast (31:55.672)
Death and Taxes.
Mission Possible Podcast (32:05.058)
No, you bring up a great point. For the longest time, lifespan was important. I’m not worried about lifespan. I’m worried about health span. How long can I live and be healthy? And you’ve pointed out some of the resources that are available. I know when my mom was getting older, she lived in Palatine, Illinois, and Palatine Township had an incredible senior center.
Connie Jean Catalano (32:15.469)
Yes.
Yeah.
Connie Jean Catalano (32:33.369)
Yes!
Mission Possible Podcast (32:35.768)
Great clubs and speakers and field trips and access to insurance experts and medical advice. Any other resources in a community beyond the actual facility, either assisted facility, long-term care, that are some free or readily access options for family members or seniors to help with aging gracefully?
Connie Jean Catalano (33:03.737)
So all the townships, most of the villages of a city have the senior community and they do all kinds of stuff together. They travel, like you said. The communities always want to introduce their facility. They don’t expect like you’re coming in or anything like that, but they want to show you. So maybe down the road you decide you’re going to go into a community, you’ve been there. So they have incredible activities.
The time and they usually advertise them on something. then I’m trying to think churches they do a lot not all of them anymore but but the lot of there you could still find churches in your area that are going to have.
Like my neighbor upstairs, she’s like 78. She’s never home. She’s always out. And I’m like, where you go? She said she goes over to the church. They have a really large senior singles group. And the things she does, I mean, the crafts, they go out. She has dinner. They’re doing this. I mean, she’s always happy because she’s got friends, you know, and straight down the block. So that’s another place. Church is your church or even another church. I don’t have to belong to that church to go to that.
Activities. So does that kind answer your question?
Mission Possible Podcast (34:21.27)
Excellent. It does. Thank you. Connie, can you share a moment or story from your work that profoundly moved you? Something that reminds you why this work and your work matters?
Connie Jean Catalano (34:33.051)
Okay, so in this work that I’m doing with seniors, and this does move me, so this day, we had a couple that lived in the facility for like 18 years. Like they were one of the first people to come to that place in Tennessee. They were married 75 years.
Actually was little bit over that because I think they were hitting a hundred and they got married when they were 18 so that’s over 75 years and they were a cute little couple. He got dementia and now they’re going to be separated right?
So, because, you know, they do have some memory care where a couple can go if, you know, if one of them, if they both have some cognitive disability. Otherwise, you can’t bring an independent person into a community. They were in a buy-in situation, so that’s golden. That means that there’s a facility attached to the resident that takes care of people. So, every day.
She would walk down the hall to see her husband and
I ran into her one day and I asked her how he was and she said, am, she, this is what she started off with. I am so thankful that I don’t have to get in a car at 89 years old and go find out where my husband’s at. And I would have never be able to see him even if they took me on a bus. I wouldn’t go every day. I couldn’t. But she said, because of where we’re at, which was a, what they call a Continuum Care Retirement Center, CCRC, which
Connie Jean Catalano (36:19.837)
A buy-in. She was able to walk down every day and see her husband so not mess up beat. She said, we never went a day without seeing each other and all this time. And yeah, I cried right there. She was so sweet. I think somebody stayed married all that time. I asked her what her secret was. She just said love, you know, and I’m like, okay, well, that’s nice, you know.
Mission Possible Podcast (36:47.694)
Well, it’s also nice that your work is so meaningful and impactful for not only aging seniors, but for family members. Connie, for those just starting to navigate senior care, what’s one piece of advice you’d give them today to be more prepared and compassionate?
Connie Jean Catalano (37:05.499)
I think that you should make sure, let’s just say it’s the individual, themself a senior, make sure you have all your paperwork in mind. Don’t go without a will. You’d be surprised how many people 65 and older do not have a will.
Mission Possible Podcast (37:25.55)
So what are some of those in your checklist for your program? What are some of the key, you said POA and will, what are some of the top five Connie suggestions for getting one’s affairs in order? Forms or some takeaways?
Connie Jean Catalano (37:44.013)
Okay, so I have a file and I start off with the will. The second thing is a letter to your family. You want to be able to tell them something, leave them with something positive. You know, how much you love them. You can write something to each kid if you like, but you know.
Mission Possible Podcast (38:01.624)
That’s a great idea. I’ve never heard that. That’s a great idea.
Connie Jean Catalano (38:03.705)
My mom did that. So I got, you my program is a combination of all that I learned plus what my mom, how she died, how she aged. She did a good job. And we were shocked because she wrote it on some scrap paper that you get in the mail, you know, on those little pads. She wrote to us on that.
It was just like, I gotta do this. And she just did it. And we all just bawled because we never knew she felt like that. She wasn’t one of those people that said, I love you or you did good or wow, I like that. She was always challenging us, you know? So to get that letter, I added that into the file. In fact,
file right here. I always put a nice little, it’s probably 30 files. So it’s the letter, the will, the letter, and then you want to have your burial and if you’re going to be buried or cremation instructions. I don’t know if most people know but there is a water cremation that you can, instead of going by fire, you can go by bath. I don’t know if you know that, but yeah, yeah, it’s pretty cool. You want to have your bank information because your family’s going to meet
Mission Possible Podcast (39:04.813)
Hmm, no.
Connie Jean Catalano (39:13.757)
Immediately have to get to your checking account, your saving account, things like that. And you want to know where, what their resting place is, if they’re going to be in a cemetery or if their ashes are flown or if they just scattered or if you’re going to just keep them. You want to know that. It’s so much easier if you know all that up front, because then don’t have to sit around and oh, I don’t know what she wanted.
If you have any debts, want to know that because they’re going to come after you right away. And then, you know, all your ID documents, your license, you know, things like that, including your life insurance policy. there’s probably 35 folders in this, this little file thing. And each one of them is important. I even have a password file in here.
Mission Possible Podcast (40:01.624)
Enter.
Connie Jean Catalano (40:06.117)
Which you have to keep up, but you can. My mom knew where she wanted to have her memorial, her wake. A lot of times she’d have to figure it out, pick it out. That could cause a big argument with kids. I want her here, I want her there. So all this information is in order according to its importance. So I mentioned the first five or six, so you don’t want me to keep going.
Mission Possible Podcast (40:19.47)
Mm-hmm.
Mission Possible Podcast (40:30.912)
Excellent.
No, great. And then, no, and at the end, I’m sure that you can provide your contact information if any one of our listeners is experiencing some issues with an aging parent or relative and they can reach out to you. So now to my favorite part of the podcast, the rapid fire questions. I’m gonna ask you 10 questions in quick succession, one word or short phrase. Are you ready, Connie?
Connie Jean Catalano (40:40.911)
Yes.
Connie Jean Catalano (41:01.881)
I’m ready.
Mission Possible Podcast (41:03.234)
What’s one word to describe your mission?
Connie Jean Catalano (41:06.501)
Family.
Mission Possible Podcast (41:07.884)
Most common misconception about aging.
Connie Jean Catalano (41:10.595)
It won’t happen to me.
Mission Possible Podcast (41:12.758)
Your go to stress relief activity.
Connie Jean Catalano (41:15.675)
Praying, walking, and talking.
Mission Possible Podcast (41:18.04)
Favorite quote or mantra?
Connie Jean Catalano (41:20.515)
Change is not only likely, but it’s inevitable.
Mission Possible Podcast (41:24.606)
One item you always travel with.
Connie Jean Catalano (41:26.851)
Mr. Turdy!
Mission Possible Podcast (41:29.1)
What is a Mr. Turdy?
Connie Jean Catalano (41:30.875)
I have a little stuffed animal that looks like a turtle and you know when everybody was doing those gnome things I told my granddaughter I need a gnome and she gave me her Mr. Turdy and he’s been with me for 26 years. Yeah, he’s in my car all the time. Yeah.
Mission Possible Podcast (41:41.708)
Mr. Turdy, I love it.
That’s great. That’s great. Excellent. Best piece of advice you ever received.
Connie Jean Catalano (41:52.347)
Dwell on how God sees you.
Mission Possible Podcast (41:57.41)
Tea, coffee or herbal tonic.
Mission Possible Podcast (42:01.536)
A book every caregiver should read.
Connie Jean Catalano (42:04.815)
I think that all caregivers have a tendency to be low codependent. So the language of letting go by Melanie Beatty. It’s an everyday thing, yeah.
Mission Possible Podcast (42:13.486)
I love that book.
What makes you laugh every time?
Connie Jean Catalano (42:18.587)
I have a new great granddaughter. I can’t look at her picture without cracking up. I laugh. I got a picture of her today crawling a movie. Yeah, I can’t I laugh. Yeah.
Mission Possible Podcast (42:23.618)
Ha ha ha.
Mission Possible Podcast (42:28.45)
Wow, that’s beautiful. Connie, one thing people would be surprised to learn about
Connie Jean Catalano (42:35.033)
I used to be a race car driver.
Mission Possible Podcast (42:38.018)
Wow, you have, I didn’t know that and I’ve known you 25.
Connie Jean Catalano (42:40.986)
Yeah Yeah, know a lot of people don’t but when I was a let’s see 18 to 21 my family was into cars I had the Well, I had a 409 64 Chevy 409. I had a Camaro. I think it was what year was that 68? I should do wheelies with that thing and
Mission Possible Podcast (43:00.984)
Mmm. Wow.
Connie Jean Catalano (43:06.101)
I even had a Volkswagen. Couldn’t do much with that, you know. Yeah.
Mission Possible Podcast (43:09.612)
Race car driver and and Mission Possible senior whisperer. Our guest today on the Mission Possible podcast has been Connie Jean Catalano known affectionately in active adult communities and in families around North America as the senior whisperer. Connie, it’s been a high honor and privilege.
Connie Jean Catalano (43:14.683)
You
Mission Possible Podcast (43:38.446)
To be with you. Your program, I had no idea unpacking it today on our podcast. If our listeners want to get a hold of you, how can they reach you?
Connie Jean Catalano (43:48.219)
They can reach me on my website which is conniejeancatallano.com. Just look on there and you’ll be able to email me or contact me that way.
Mission Possible Podcast (43:59.712)
Excellent. Thank you Connie. It’s been a high honor and privilege and thank you mission podcast Community check us out on mission possible biz like subscribe and share carpe diem.